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The Golf Lesson 8/29/2014
Mrs. Jones wanted to learn to play golf so she went to the
local teaching pro. He had her hit some balls with her seven
iron, as that’s a fairly easy club to hit. She popped them
up, dribbled some off the tee. In other words couldn’t
hit at all.
The pro said, “Mrs. Jones, you’re squeezing the club
to tight. Now this may not sound polite but I want you to hold
the club like ...
5 Comments, 253 Views,
14 Votes
,6.02 Score
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Have you confessed? 8/29/2014
Two teenage catholic boy went to confession. The first
one finished first and the 2nd one took his turn. Bless me
father for I have sin. What have you done ? The boy replied:
' I had performed inappropriate act with a teenage
girl '.
The priest replied: who is it ? I know all the teenage
girls in this parish. Is it Mary? No father, I can't
say. Is it Cathy? No father I really can't tell ...
4 Comments, 228 Views,
18 Votes
,5.03 Score
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Heads up 8/29/2014
A 5 yr old boy asked her mother: " when you go to heaven,
do you go head first or feet up first" ? With a puzzled
look, the mother answered his : ' we go head first
when we go to heaven'. But may I ask why you are asking
this question?
The replied: ' I saw this woman in the park, she was
screaming ' Lord I'm coming' with her feet
up. Its a good thing this man was on top of her trying ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Wrong Password 8/28/2014
A couple recently bought a laptop and while trying to set
up a new password for their laptop, the husband proposed
"mydick"; the wife fell on the ground laughing.
The screen showed : "password too short"
1 Comments, 36 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Ole & Sven 8/27/2014
Two bachelor Norwegian farmers, brothers Ole and Sven
were working in the 40 down by the county road.
A sporty red convertible pulls up and driving it is a women
the likes of which they'd never seen! They thought
she was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen!
If you saw their cow Bessy though, you'd understand
that that didn't take much.
But anyway, she was ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Ole & Lena 8/27/2014
When Ole & Lena first got married, they came up with
a code word they could use to indicate to each other that
they were hot to trot and not to spare the Rommegrot.
The word they came up with was "Washing Machine".
It's been a number of decades that Ole and Lena have
been married now and what was "hot to trot" is
now closer to luke warm to sit down.
Anyway, Ole feels like trottin' one ...
1 Comments, 61 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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I said 12 inches!!! 8/27/2014
A piss-pot General from a backwater country needed to buy
condoms for his troops.
He contacts Trojan in the US and trying to impress the salesman,
says that he wants 10, 000 condoms for 12" dicks!
The salesman says, "Sir, do you really mean "inches"
as in US Standard "inch", that seems quite long?"
The General gets all huffy and says, "I said 12 inches
and I mean 12 inches!!!!"
...
0 Comments, 103 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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OLE & LENA AGAIN 8/26/2014
Ole was on his deathbed, and asked Lena to have all his
and relatives come to his bedroom.
When they were there, he named each one - were they there?
Yes they were all there. He said, "then why are the
lights still on in the living room downstairs?"
2 Comments, 70 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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OLE & LENA 8/26/2014
And the other one was Ole was on his deathbed, and he could
smell something good that Lena was baking.
He crawled down the stairs and reached on the table for a
good cookie, but Lena slapped his hand.
"You can't have any - they're for the funeral!"
0 Comments, 39 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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Mature joke 8/25/2014
The other day, I bumped into a Middle Aged Woman over 40's
with her Grown up Standing besides her in a hotel lobby
Elevator and accidentally my elbow went into her Breast
.... We were both quite startled .. ....
I turned to her when the Elevator stopped at the Ground floor
after her left... and said, 'Ma'am, if your
Heart is as Soft as your Breast, I know you'll forgive me ...
0 Comments, 90 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Same Price 8/20/2014
Man to a Super Hot Air Hostess: Whats your name? Air Hostess : Eva Benz Man : Lovely name. Any relation with Mercedes Benz? Air Hostess : ( smiling ) Yes Same Price!!
2 Comments, 60 Views,
11 Votes
,3.35 Score
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SCAM 8/15/2014
Just got scammed out of $25.
Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".
Turns out it's all about golf.
Absolute waste of money!
Pass this on so others don't get scammed
4 Comments, 54 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score
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THE DIFFERENCE?????? 8/15/2014
Have you ever smelled moth balls? - How did you get their
little legs apart?
What's the difference between a bull and a cow?A bull
smiles when you milk it
What’s the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?The
mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What’s the difference between a regular toad and a horney
toad?A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit"
while a ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
14 Votes
,5.86 Score
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BANNED 8/15/2014
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat?
Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
1 Comments, 43 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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NO WHAT????? 8/15/2014
What do you call a woman with no clitoris?
It doesn't matter, she's not going to come.
5 Comments, 49 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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OLD BOB 8/15/2014
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give
me one last request, dear, " he said.
"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die, " John said, "I
want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob, " she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
1 Comments, 70 Views,
9 Votes
,5.56 Score
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LARRY'S BAR???? 8/15/2014
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is
unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's
bar and picks up men.
In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going
crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax, " says the Doctor, "take a deep
breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's
bar?"
1 Comments, 49 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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PESSIMIST 8/15/2014
Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty?
Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!
1 Comments, 24 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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STAY 8/15/2014
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping
center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador
Retriever pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted
to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the
car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you
hear me? Stay! ...
1 Comments, 110 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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MOB BOSS 8/15/2014
And we all know why a Mfioso Boss is like a two inch penis?
You don't wanna fuck with either of them!
1 Comments, 23 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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MAFIOSO 8/15/2014
Luigi walks 20 blocks to work every day and passes a shoe
store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks to admire
the Armani leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think
about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases
them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance
in the church basement - Luigi seizes ...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score
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Mother's Milk 8/13/2014
The professor was lecturing a hall full of medical students
on milk for babies. He asked the question ‘Which is better
for the baby cows milk or mother’s milk and give me three
reasons why?’
One student immediately raised his hand. The professor
asked him which one was better.
“Mother’s milk of course. First, it contains all the
nutrients the baby needs. Two, ...
3 Comments, 204 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score
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Trip to the vet. 8/7/2014
The man who takes his pet gorilla to the vet.The vet says, "she
sure is small for a gorilla."That's funny! That's
what my friends say about my wife.The man replied
0 Comments, 103 Views,
7 Votes
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Shameful 8/7/2014
How shameful is your sex life? More or less than you're
comfortable with? What about your fantasy life? As is patently
obvious, I have severe sexual dysfunctions that amuse
me to no end, so recently I thought to wrap up some of you,
my readers, in my own depravity by way of a sex survey and
see if there's anything we can learn about sex, fantasy,
and shame together in a friendly yet uncomfortable ...
2 Comments, 65 Views,
2 Votes
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First time 8/7/2014
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet,
and have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and
make love for the first time.The boy is ecstatic, but he
has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist
to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it’s his ...
1 Comments, 105 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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First time 8/7/2014
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet,
and have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and
make love for the first time.The boy is ecstatic, but he
has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist
to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it’s his ...
3 Comments, 65 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
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yup 8/7/2014
how many pigs it take to screw a light bulb nonelol
0 Comments, 22 Views,
1 Votes
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A Bull Story 8/6/2014
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an
old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect
your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field
over there, " as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister,
I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."
Reaching into his ...
3 Comments, 201 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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Sex After Death 8/4/2014
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back
and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to
die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion ... Marion "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like ...
1 Comments, 208 Views,
14 Votes
,5.70 Score
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A Brazilian? 8/4/2014
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster
says, 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's
horrible.'
Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were
skydiving, and there is that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How
many is a Brazilian?'
0 Comments, 111 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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