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The Difference? 11/18/2015
What is the difference between sin and shame? > > > > > > > > Well . . . It is sometimes a sin when it slips in, but it is almost
always a shame when it slips out.
1 Comments, 11 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score |
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A terrible itch 11/18/2015
A 80 year old woman goes to the doctor complaining of a terrible
itch between her legs, upon inspection, he tells her she
has the crabs. The old lady replies"That's impossible, I am
a virgin, and never have never been with a man." So she goes to get a second opinion from another doctor,
he get's her feet up in the stirrups for a closer look.
She explains she is a 80 year old virgin, and that the ...
2 Comments, 107 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score |
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lets get it on!!! 11/17/2015
While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust
of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid,
the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the
guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported
the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper
explained that pulling down your eyelid means "Fuck
you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't
make the ...
3 Comments, 79 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score |
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yea puppies!!! 11/16/2015
A father and his 6-year-old are walking down the street,
and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked
by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are
they doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his
, says "they're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the , and the father is relieved
that he doesn't probe further. The next day, the
bursts into his parents' room and sees them ...
3 Comments, 117 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score |
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At the convent 11/16/2015
Three nuns sitting around in the garden. The eldest in her
70s was hard of hearing and usually kept to herself and was
quietly knitting. The two younger nuns across from her
were discussing their garden endeavors. The first one
asks if the youngest nun had any success growing vegetables.
"Oh my yes..the biggest Italian squash was this long",
she said holding her hands a good foot apart, "and ...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score |
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SAD STORY... MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE. 11/15/2015
A foursome of men waited at the men's tee while a foursome
of women was hitting in front of them -- taking their time.
When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked
it 10 feet . Then she went over and missed it completely.
Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it
another five feet.
She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said ...
1 Comments, 137 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score |
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Jack and Jill 11/15/2015
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouthfull of cock because Jills real name was RANDY
1 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score |
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Bar Joke 11/14/2015
A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender.
The robot says, “What will you have?”
The guy replies, “Whiskey.”
The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your
IQ?”
The guy say, “168.”
The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration,
and medical technology.
After the guy leaves and the more ...
3 Comments, 93 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score |
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pledge!!! 11/13/2015
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor
told them, "We have special requirements for new
parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two
weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end
of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you
able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without
sex for the two ...
4 Comments, 94 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score |
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Golf on Fridays 11/12/2015
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade
listing every problem they had ever had in the years they
had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, emptiness, loneliness, lack
of intimacy, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, ...
1 Comments, 112 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score |
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Jack & Jill 11/12/2015
Yep - they went up that hill to get the water. Jack fell down,
broke his crown & Jill exclaimed: 'What a clumsy
freaken aszhole Next time I get water...he stays at the
bottom..'
2 Comments, 22 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score |
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WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA? 11/11/2015
A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked
up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd
like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's
more than one type? '
' Look around, ' said the saleslady, as she showed
a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
Actually, even with ...
2 Comments, 118 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score |
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one for the veterans!!! 11/11/2015
One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was
staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the
church. It was covered with names, and small American flags
were mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some
time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and
said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."
"Good ...
3 Comments, 91 Views,
8 Votes
,6.26 Score |
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shucks daylight saving time! 11/10/2015
A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next
to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance,
then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman
notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I've just been
given this state-of-the-art watch by Q and I was just testing
it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch?
What's ...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
10 Votes
,6.17 Score |
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WW II story in celebration of our day 11/10/2015
A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning
formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance
Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers
and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have
reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for
immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers
have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score |
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WW II story in celebration of our day 11/10/2015
A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning
formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance
Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers
and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have
reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for
immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers
have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score |
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WW II story in celebration of our day 11/10/2015
A POW Camp in the heart of Germany -cold as hell, at morning
formation & the SS pays a visit on 'Remembrance
Day' 'Ve have a special treat for you captured soldiers
and airmen today. Someting you vill not forget! Ve have
reviewed the records and three of you vill be chosen for
immediate execution. You vill die just as your fathers
have lived. Ven your name is called you vill step forward, ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score |
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you did this! 11/8/2015
Johnny’s girlfriend was in labor with they first .
She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”
She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you *******!”
He casually replied, “If you would care to remember,
I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, ‘it’ll
be too painful!’.”
3 Comments, 61 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score |
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oh no!! 11/8/2015
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when
he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out
to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives
to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After
dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around
town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona,
decides that something cold would really hit ...
2 Comments, 73 Views,
6 Votes
,5.93 Score |
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Condom Explanation 11/7/2015
A man walks into a drug store with his adolescent . They
happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What
are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
condoms, . Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see, " replied the boy pensively. "Yes,
I've heard of that in health class at school.
He looks over the display and picks up a package ...
1 Comments, 106 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score |
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Alzheimer's has its advantages 11/7/2015
Bill, 85, married Sue, a lovely 25 year old . . .
Since her new husband is so old, Sue decides that after their
wedding she and Bill should have separate bedrooms, because
she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert
himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Sue prepares herself for
bed and the ...
1 Comments, 82 Views,
5 Votes
,5.43 Score |
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When you are over seventy, who gives a shit. 11/7/2015
I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and
said, "You're kind of cute you gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yea you gotta pen?" She said "Yea",
I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it
before the farmer misses you". Cost me 6 stitches.
When you are over seventy . . . who gives a shit. ...
3 Comments, 61 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score |
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Lost Wallet 11/7/2015
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet
and all of his identification.
Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home
but was stopped by the U.S.
Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asked
the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet, " replied
the guy.
"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
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luv-va Jay-sus 11/7/2015
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its
cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen,
this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to
New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and ... OH MY GOD!"
Silence followed ...
Some moments later, the captain came ...
1 Comments, 61 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score |
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good side effects! 11/6/2015
If I was a man and had an erection lasting longer than four
hours at my age. I wouldn't call a doctor. I would call
and >>! everybody I know!
3 Comments, 35 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score |
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Blonde 11/6/2015
Blonde picks up her blouse from dry cleaners. Checks to
see if spot was removed when leaving the clerk says come
again the blonde replies. No it was mustard this time!
2 Comments, 34 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score |
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Amish cock fights 11/5/2015
Why do Amish men almost always loose in a cock fight? It takes them too long to get their pants unbuttoned.
0 Comments, 15 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
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cooks! 11/4/2015
A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to
terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of
the closet.
Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home
visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying
herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon.
Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized
she was gay.
Without ...
3 Comments, 107 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score |
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sex partners 11/4/2015
Funny sex jokes - sex partners A doctor asks a patient while examining her: - How many sex partners did you have? - 5 or 6, don't remember exactly.. - Hmm, not that many... - Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend..
1 Comments, 48 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score |
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Admiring 11/2/2015
After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husbang's
cock. Husband : Why? Want to have sex again? Wife : No dear, I just admiring your cock, I used to have one
before!
2 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score |
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