standard member messages
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Posted:Apr 12, 2009 4:26 pm
Last Updated:Mar 11, 2012 10:02 am
4967 Views
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It's so annoying HotMatch.com like to give you enough messages to get you hooked then restrict you unless you sign up as a silver or gold member! 
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where am i going wrong?
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Posted:Feb 17, 2010 4:09 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2010 9:27 am
5167 Views
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Hello all i have been a member of HotMatch.com for 4 years i only come here when ever i've moved on from an old friend with benefits need a new playmate it's been 4 months and no sign of a new one!
i seem to tick all the right boxes.
1 profile pictures face and body not just a cockshot.
2 relatively good looking, OK I'm NO Brad Pitt but i'm no cave troll either.
3 good feedback, seriously read My Testimonials!
4 i don't do one line emails i wright a bit about my self and what i'm looking for.
Can any of you ladies shed some light on this for me?
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regret the day i offered help out my mother when she decided to get a PC
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Posted:Jul 29, 2007 9:06 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2010 4:36 am
5280 Views
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Is it just me or does any one else regret the day they offered help out there parents when they decided to get a PC ?
I meen i love my mother to bits , but if i get another incoherent phone message saying some thing along the lines of
Neil can you help me out i don't know what i have done, i cant get my laptop to do that thing-mea-jig,
you know with the watchy-micall-it that thing you should me how to do last week.
Please for the love of God tell me it's not just me that has to go round to there parents house every weekend to preform some miner miracle
like the time my mother decided to delete Windows of the hard drive because it was just taking up to much room
(mind you i think she might have been onto some thing there)
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Food For Thought, answers on a postcard
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Posted:Jul 29, 2007 9:05 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2010 4:36 am
5296 Views
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# Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
# If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
# Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
# I went for a walk last night and my asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, 'The whole time.'
# So what's the speed of dark?
# After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
# Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
# If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
# I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
# Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
# Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
# Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
# If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
# Isn't Disney World a people-trap operated by a mouse?
# Whose cruel idea was it for the word `lisp' to have an 's' in it?
# How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
# If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
# Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
# Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
# Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
# Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds' fee on money they already know that you don't have?
# If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
# What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
# If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
# Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
# When two aeroplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
# Do fish get cramps after eating?
# Why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
# Why do scientists call it 'research' when they are looking for something new?
# If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
# When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
# Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
# Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.
# Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
# How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
# Why is it fake lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
# Why do we wait until a pig is dead to 'cure' it?
# Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
# Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
# Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
# Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs its '4s'?
# What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
# Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
# If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
# Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
# Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
# Do married people live longer than single people do, or does it just SEEM longer?
# I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
# If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
# Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
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Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery
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Posted:Jul 29, 2007 9:04 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2010 4:36 am
5288 Views
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Oops!
Has anyone seen my watch?
Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your copy?
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that... uh... that, uh... thingie
If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.
Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
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People Pestering You On Inastant Messenger
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Posted:Jul 29, 2007 9:02 am
Last Updated:Mar 11, 2012 10:03 am
5599 Views
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I have 215 contacts in my MSN Messenger Friends, Family, Training buddies, Workmates not to mention A.F.F. members
Why is it when ever i log on to MSN all my contacts chose to ignore my user status Busy, Away, etc and try to talk to me all at once
i'm not talking about 1 or 2 people here at least 8 or 9
I once tried being nice and relying them that i was to Busy to talk
but that back fired as every last one of them messaged me back asking what was i doing  (you can't win)
I sign on as Busy because i am Busy, i'm trying to read my emails or pay some bills or just have some me time
and if you don't reply to them they will start with the relentless nudges till you do answer them by saying f**k off and leave me alone ;!;
I have even changed my online message to "Busy means i'm Busy&Away means i'm Away so PISS-OFF and STOP with the F**KING NUGES"
with some limited success 
Is it just me who suffers from this or are there more people like me suffering in silence?
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Embarrassing story
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Posted:Jul 29, 2007 8:54 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2010 3:45 am
5266 Views
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I just have to tell you all the single most embarrassing thing ever to happen to me.
I was at Body Attack (high impact aerobic class)a few months ago just before the class was about to begin i noticed a small hole in the seem of inside leg of my cycle shorts.
I thought to myself these are going in the bin when the class finished.
The music began and i got to the first set of repeater knees when the hole started get bigger tare moving up the inside of my leg then all of a sudden
the tare shot up my leg threw the crotch and halfway down the other side Leaving me totally exposed. 
i quickly grabbed the two halves of my shorts pulled them together and hobbled my way out of the class with the instructor repeatedly asking me if i was ok had i hurt my self (she was the only one in the entire class not to see what had happened)
I got in to the locker room thinking i could put my Body Combat trousers back on and rejoin the class
Until i realized i had left my locker key in the class so i had to go back in to the class with one hand holding my shorts together to get my key.
I suppose it could have been worse i could have been teaching the class at the time.
If some one out there thinks they have a more embarrassing story please tell all.
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the creation of the pussy
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Posted:Mar 13, 2007 9:08 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2007 12:15 am
5266 Views
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Seven wise men with the knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last was a sailor, dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt
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Taking a time out
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Posted:Mar 11, 2007 6:37 pm
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2009 9:03 am
5292 Views
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I'm just out of hospital after a hernia operation on Friday.
I am really grateful for all the get well emails i have received.
I will be back up and running in no time at all 3 weeks or so 
So keep the offers coming in they really cheer me as i am missing sex so much
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20 TRUTHS ABOUT MEN.............
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Posted:Feb 26, 2007 2:55 pm
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2009 9:02 am
5336 Views
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1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless
he's in diapers.........
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You
shut the door.............
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be
able to put them all up there.......
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too
little to be out alone......
5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they
never mature anyway........
6. Men are all the same - they just have different
faces, so that you can tell them apart......
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed
the opportunity to make some woman miserable...........
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them
are the do-it-yourself types.........
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to
suggest he is too old for it............
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real
eye-opener..............
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental
hospital............
12. The of Israel wandered around the
desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men
wouldn't ask for directions........
13. If he asks what sort of books you're
interested in, tell him checkbooks........
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that
you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at
his..............
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.....
16. If you think the way to a man's heart is
through his stomach you're aiming too high.....
17. Definition of a man with manners - he gets out
of the bath to pee............
18. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good
husband, you will usually find that he is.......
19. Scientists have just discovered something that
can do the work of five men - a woman......
20. Husbands are like - they're fine if
they,re someone elses.........
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MEN ARE SO TYPICAL
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Posted:Jan 23, 2007 11:31 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2007 10:59 am
5387 Views
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One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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Try not to laugh to hard
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Posted:Aug 14, 2006 3:44 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2007 10:59 am
5524 Views
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How do you decide who to marry? (written by )
* You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan, age 10
* No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. Kristen, age 10
What is the right age to get married?
* Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10
* No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
* You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same . Derrick, age 8
What do you think your mom and dad have in common?
* Both don't want any more . Lori, age 8
What do most people do on a date?
* Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
* On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. Martin, age 10
What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
* I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. Craig, age 9
When is it okay to kiss someone?
* When they're rich. Pam, age 7
* The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. Curt, age 7
* The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have with them. It's the right thing to do. Howard, age 8
Is it better to be single or married?
* I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. Theodore, age 8
* It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9 (bless you )
How would the world be different if people didn't get married?
* There sure would be a lot of to explain, wouldn't there? Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favourite is........
How would you make a marriage work?
* Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. Ricky, age 10
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To link to this blog (rm_hornyscot247) use [blog rm_hornyscot247] in your messages.
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