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A Time To Rest
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A Time To Rest I just got back from the funeral & it was easier today, though not so easy- if you know what I mean? I'm not sure what I feel exactly? Tiered for the most part & verry mellow, subdued and a bit nasious to be honest. It was a better day for the family, at least they are nice to me again. but Jay seemed so distant and cold, nice, but not everbegging to please me self. I think everypne's a bit messed about it, Jay's brother broke down into tears at last. As we sat there beside the grave, waiting for them to lower her into the earth, we all lost some of our composure. It's so hard to think that I will never again have one of her hugs, not a little grasp like some[eople do; but a real heartfelt hug, filled with love and meaning. never agin see the twinkle in her eyes, never again hear her nieve laughter after she's said something sudgestive and toatlly menat to. Never again hearing her call, "Oh-h-h Je-e-e-mbo!" to my Jay. He said that's what'll hurt him the most. Never hear her praise the again. Or scold Jay & his brother for picking on eachother. Never hear the story of how her nieghbours heard her and her husband having sex after they first moved in. "Keep your windows closed all the time!" she would warn, in her heavy polish accent, "you never know what the neighbours will hear!" I'll never forget how prowed she was when Jay brought me home to meet her the first time. When she found out I could cook, bake, make pickles and jams and all that old country borsht and paska, peroggies & halabchies (which means cabbage rolls for those of you who don't know) So proud to be polsih & when she found out I'm 1/2 Ukrainian, she was so proud. "We are neighbours, Poland and Ukraine, it is the same thing really" And I would laugh. Sure Grandma, what ever makes you sleep through the night, I would think to myself, as I shook my head. She was proud of me and said I would make Jay a very good wife. And I did for a while, until things fell apart. Grandma would tell me I must be patient with him, understand him and put uo with him, accept him for what he was. Buit I couldn't. I tried for as long as I could, to hold on and make things work. I tired until I lost myself in the battle of the drink. I fell hard into the pit of dispare and self pitty. It's been a long process to pull myself out. I'm still not quite the dynamic woman I once was. But all those baby steps to bring me back to who I once was are starting my path to the healing of my own soul. Perhaps Grandmas death has maken me take a look at myself, the than and the now, and I can see what I am still lacking on my own journey home, to who I once was... The strength of a family, the filler of wishes, the belivers of dreams, the vigelant prtector & a caregiver to anyone who needed it. I see myself now as a shell of person, a fasade of who I once was & empty vessle, looking to be fillede again with life. Perhaps Garndmas death is more to me than the dying of a body. But the death of a piece of me, in some small way? But she is at peace and I only hope that someday I can make peace with myself and regain what I once lost, so long ago... I'm tierd & spent. My emotions are drained and now it is a time to rest.... fukcdoll, definition  - a woman who enjoys being used to fulfill fantasies & ones ultimate pleasures. - who's kink is to tantalize, arouse and satisfy the lust and desires for as many people as she can. - a cum guzzling who wants to be yours! **Alot A Little FUKCDOLLS**  Fukcdolls Video *Fan Club*          |
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dear you.... even tho i dont know you; all my strenght, lady.... and yep (dont forget)... this is why we all have some other great bodyparts: shoulders (please use some of them)... be good to yourself; you do deserve that.... take care....klaas [image]
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sorry for your loss, babe . . .
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your part polish hun? no wonder i've always liked u and been attracted to u  lol. us pol's need to stick together, lol.but seriously, sorry for your loss hun. my prayers r with u
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